Why did I choose islam?

After a very long time I lived as an atheist, as time pasts, as people pasts away, as I understand there is really not a meaning of this life just live happy and good as much as possible there was always something wrong in my ideas and philosophy.

I was completely sure that there is no god, it can’t be. I was chuckling and I couldn’t understand how people can believe these. How people can not see that there is no god? Why don’t they look around in this universe, everything is perfect and everything is happening with science in the nature itself and slowly already, million years passed and the universe is huge and there is a possibility that we are evolved.

Human mind is strange. Both an atheist and theist can look to the same picture and can see completely different things. I was looking and thinking about the universe and I couldn’t understand that why do we need a god to create this universe. I mean it was huge and like endless and it is very possible to create living creature like us. It is very easy to see worms when you leave some food(meat or something like that) outside of the fridge in a very short time and these worms like from nowhere.

Another thing, what if the universe or not universe but generally I mean was always existing and it just keeps going like god eternal and why can’t everything can happen by itself. Yes I was thinking that’s possible.

Anyway I’m trying to say that I believed everything can happen by itself because there is science in nature and it’s a very long time period, there is evolution so no need to a god in this scenario. The universe is perfect, the science, the evolution in universe is already perfect.

This was the basically first part of my philosophy, my point of view.

The second one was different. As years passed and read and I thought I knew and understand religions, I started to hate them. I mean look into the world, look at the past, history of humanity and look at the world now, it is terrifying, it is full of shit. People always made wars because of religions too. In fact I believe religions were reasons of many wars and still. Religions always used by greedy people in past and these kind of politicians will always use the religions. Remember Trump talked about Hillary Clinton created the ISIS, this is crazy? Remember Michael Moore; George Bush and Bin Ladin they have a shared oil company. Remember Ottoman Empire attacked the Europe many times to conquer and spread islam. Remember the crusades, Christians attacks to muslim countries. What about Israel seizes Palestine. All are same, not have big difference.

Besides how a god can create something and send to hell to burn?

Ok he is great, he can see the future, so even he can see even he knows who is going to believe him and who will not, why did he create then?

Why does he ask to cover women’s head?

Why did he send his own son to death?

Is he racist?

What about killing animals, massacre in islam, judaism to sacrifice to him?

Well he didn’t ask us? Lots of humans in this world live a terrible life, lots of child born hungry and die hungry, think Africa. Lots of humans lived really terrible, wars, tortures, bad lucks. And lots of people are very lucky, rich, beautiful, just lucky to born in a good place, good family, rich, clever, lucky, etc.. etc..

So we did not choose our lives. He sent lots of people to fire in this world right away they were born like millions of people.

And religions they really sometimes do stupid things, they look stupid.(I’m sorry I will explain later, I know they are the wrong habits because of the idiots from the past. And also some of them might have meanings) But anyway if you have a scientific mind, if you are a scientist or love science, if you have a big open minded brain, when you look at the religions, their clothes, their rites, beards or this kind of things, what do you see what do you think. 2000-3000 years ago someone dressed this things and they still dress, I thought it is funny and nonsense. Why a god asks this?

If you look at the world, religions, there are lots of meaningless things you can see and mostly in islam, clothes, habits, the lifestyle, religions regarding women. I mean not only islam but all of them.

It is really hard to believe religions, they destroy the idea of god.

I believe most atheists are atheists because of the religions, because of the religions traditions, because of the old fashioned perspective.

You can’t convince a young modern boy and girl to these not only because this religions ask too much thing. But if you look from outside especially muslims lifes, traditions etc… from a modern lifestyle point of view, it is not attractive at all, it is similar for the other religions as well.

So how can a god create religions like these?

It looks like they’ve been created for the people lived thousand years ago not today’s peoples.

And why do people believe them even there are lots of modern, open minded.

Well I think because there is nothing explain better the meaning of this life. There is no other philosophy can convince the emptiness inside us and most importantly even religions have lots of meaningless things, the idea of a GOD and afterlife changes everything. So I think they believe religions because of the God idea and hope for a better afterlife, second chance. And some people are not lucky in this life, they need to pray and wait for a second life.

Now you can ask what kind of a guy you are?

I’m just trying to show how I was thinking(and it was wrong) and even I thought like this, how I become a muslim. And why do I believe this non-modern old-fashioned looking, mostly believed and followed by poor, not educated people. Yes I know it is not attractive at all and it is really very hard to say that I am muslim in this days. But I will tell you why I believe it is the correct religion even I belittled the most before.

I think age and time changes human mind. Actually everything changed when I realized the people I love or respect started to die.

Where did they go?

Some of them lived a good life but for some of them this life was a torture. So they lived a terrible life and they just gone? They are lost or went to nothing? I think this is really something hard to believe because the energy can not get lost. So they must turn into something but they also have consciousness so they must turn into something again with consciousness. So where are they now?

My mother was a muslim woman, praying everyday 5 times in a day all along of her life. She lived a terrible life from lots of perspective and passed away when she was 50. And where did she go? Was this life which I believed is coincidence just a turmoil for her and she lived for nothing?

I started to think; but ok let’s say there is a god but come on! these religions cannot be true. What kind of god asks us to believe these religions???

Well at last I understood that I could not find a solution I guess.

And I think most of the people don’t believe god because of the religions. And I’m not talking about the heart and the real meaning of the religions, I’m talking about the religions people show us. If you read and try to understand the real meaning of the religions with taking out the additions made by people or if you take out the traditions from the religions, in all of them there are very impressive ideas and philosophical doctrines.

And I read something from a man he is a philosophy professor, he was saying something like this; the possibility of bigbang and only the possibility of an atom with random collisions in the universe with coincidence is 1 / 1000000000000000…..He  was saying we need to add more than one hundred zeros. And this is only for collision hydrogen and oxygen atoms or something like that, somehow they found each other in this universe and happened a chemical reaction. Think about the other chemical reactions must be done for a living organism. So yes there is a possibility that this life is a coincidence but it is a crazy equation, I mean the possibility should be very very low.

On the other hand there is another solution for this equation and mathematically the possibility is only 1 / 2.

Which is “there is something always existed and created this universe”. Yes or No. So which one should you choose if you’re a scientist, if you are a mathematician. There are 2 answers to a question. One is saying that the possibility is just 1/2 but the other says that it is one in billions * billions * billions *….  The odd thing most of the scientists choose the low possibility one. But why??? Let me tell you the answer because of the religions do not make any sense to them because of the non-modern things and ideas in religions do not make sense to them at all so they believe there can not be a god asking us to believe these religions so there is no god.

Now I believe this equation idea has a very meaningful perspective.

How this universe suddenly exists? How bigbang happened from nothing. My brain, my mind can not understand the eternity, non-existence and sudden existence of a thing that never existed before. And the possibility of everything happened, the possibility of coincidences and the diversity of the living things, animals, plants, there are millions of different types plants, organisms, animals… And they are really complicated and beautiful, each of them have different things, act differently and have another universe inside them.

So I started to believe that after the deaths they should gone to somewhere, but where?

Then I believed there should be some kind of god but god didn’t send any religions because the religions did not make any sense to me at all. Because if there is a god, it should be genius, it should be really very smart and powerful so he can create all of these.

But if there is a god it can not be uninterested, unconcerned, unresponsive to the terrible lifes in this world, to the poor, hungry children, wars, tortured people, etc. etc.

So if there is a god it should be sent something to this world,

some help, some fear, some punishment idea for bad people, some hope for good people, something like a , yes something like a religion.

To be continued…


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How did I become an atheist?

I was born in a small city in an Islamic country. Everybody was muslim, at least they had to be. There wasn’t an option to believe another religion or not to believe anything at all. There were of course other people from other religions. But my family, my friends were muslim and everybody was very sure islam was the right religion. Everybody was muslim because their parents, friends, families were muslim. Because they were born in an Islamic place. I think if they were born in another country with another religion they would believe that religion most likely. But muslims are interesting, most of them don’t know anything about other religions or atheism or agnosticism and they are still pretty sure about the islam is the correct one.

Anyway I was young, a teenager, as far as I remember 14 years old. In my country in high schools we had to take Islamic lessons, 2 hours in a week, and it is mandatory even if you are not a muslim. I think that’s a shame, people have right to choose or at least they have to include other beliefs too, or it should be like a history lesson maybe…

Because I believe you can not force people to believe or choose something, even if you do that, would they really believe that ideology? Or do they really choose it? I think the best option would be to let them find out and choose with giving necessary information in schools including atheism etc…

Today how many people do really believe their religions or ideologies?

How many French, English, German, Japan; if they were born in an Islamic country, would choose another religion?

How many arab or other people from an Islamic country, if they were born in a Christian or jewish or other country, would research and choose islam?

Anyway one day the teacher of the religion lesson told us we are lucky because we are muslim, born in this country and if we die as a muslim and if we did not commit a big sin, we will go to heaven but all the other people from other religions and atheists will go directly to the hell. !?!?!

Everything changed that day in my life. I asked lots of questions myself.

But why?

Why all the others will go to hell?

What about the good people? The good people better than us, better than me? Even the bad muslims can go to heaven after a period of time in hell just because they were luck to born in a Islamic country, place, family !?!

But they did not choose to born there and we did not choose to born here?

What if we were born there?

What about the uncivilized primitive tribes? They don’t know and they can’t know anything about islam.

Somebody asked, what about the good ones, will they go to hell as well?

The teacher answered, “yes they will because they had to research and if they do, they will find out islam is the correct one…..”.

We were young, we were only reading books not an enemy to our religion or ideology.

But I couldn’t take this out from my mind for days, weeks.

I asked these questions myself.

What if I was born in another country?, etc…

Could I find out the islam?

And why the good people go to hell? Why god showed me a favour but not the good people? I mean they are good and if they are really good they don’t deserve this. Or all the other people are bad, etc. etc…

Couple of weeks later I decided to find out islam, I had to find out like a Christian, jew. But I was a muslim, how could I do that?

So I decided to be neutral, it was the only way. But I didn’t know how to be neutral.

I fought with myself about a month and everyday, every moment I told myself islam is not the correct religion because if this because of that, etc…

I have tried to read about other religions, philosophies. I mounted arguments about islam is not the correct one.

After 1-2 months I succeeded. I did not believe islam anymore. I was sure that; there can not be a god like in islam, unfair to his servants. There can not be a god can send the good people to directly hell and bad muslims to heaven at least after a period of time. Nobody chose the location they were born. 200 years ago a Christian in Italy can not find islam? What about 1000 years ago? Now all of them are in hell? No I was sure islam philosophy can not be correct. No this was not the correct religion. etc… etc… etc… Lots of other ideas were in my mind, thousands of arguments about islam can not be the correct one.

Yes I was completely sure, islam was not the right religion.

And I wasn’t a muslim anymore and yes again I was sure.

But what about the Judaism, I knew that I can not be a jew because they were only accepting their people so it cannot be correct as well. And Christianity, 3 gods, god’s son, books chosen 400 years after Jesus from lots of books, people killing the god Jesus? So which one was correct, what if none of them or any other religions?

Then suddenly a shocking idea was in my mind. I promised myself I was going to be neutral but what if the god is completely a different god?

What if all the religions are fake or not the correct religions and god just want us to be good people?

And what if there is NO GOD?

Yes it was the shocking idea.

Nooo, don’t be ridiculous, there is of course a god.

But if there are lots of religions and maybe god want us to find the correct one.

Nooo, god must be fair for all of us and everyone in the world, in this life, should be able to find the god. But this is impossible, 200 years ago someone in Italy, in poles, in a village in Africa, China ?

So the most important thing was to believe the god, yes I found that this must be, this is it.

But I thought about a small tribe 1000 years ago in Africa, America. There was no way them to know to find the god.

So god must be expecting us to find him.

But I had to be neutral but I wasn’t because I was believing the god.

And I chuckled myself, and decided to kill the god inside me.

I remember, after 35-40 days, telling every moment to myself there is no god, there can not be a god because of this, because of that… I was finally an atheist.

Yes I was 14 years old and only couple of months later my teacher’s lesson I was an atheist.

The very interesting thing was I was chuckling myself this time with this idea; of course there is no god, how do people believe this. Oh my gosh how was I stupid. How could I believe this religion thing?

I had found out in my mind thousand arguments about god does not exist and can not exist. And I was completely sure that there is no god.

Everything was started to be fair myself and being neutral.

Years passed, I was sure, I didn’t have any doubt about the god. I was an atheist and I could not understand people believing there is a god. I read bible and of the book from old testament and couple of different beliefs.

Muslim’s god was crazy hateful, he is going to send almost everyone to hell.

Christian’s god was silly, has a son like human being, and give me your other face, do whatever you want to me kind of god and has a son.

Judaism’s god was racist, I don’t have chance to be a jew.

And one of them should be true, god cannot expect us to find the other not very known religion.

So none of them are the one so there can not be a god.

Because god should be very clever and fair and should know us better than us, etc…

20 years passed and I became a muslim which is the religion I did not like the most, which is the religion I was thinking I can be anything except muslim, I will write this about in my next article hopefully. I will try write how and why I chose islam after living 20 years as an atheist.


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What is this about?

This blog is ideas of an atheist man after almost 20 years chose islam.

For a very long time, I planned, I wanted to write about faith, my views about faith and islam but I don’t know why, I did not spare time for writing.

Maybe I was scared to write because I did not want to influence in a wrong way…

Maybe I am not right, maybe I am not kind of a person who can write and a faithful enough.

And most important not have a good knowledge to write.

I just want to help people and I believe islam really needs help. But does it need my help? Can I help? What if I make things worse?

I don’t know but I need to do something, at least I have to start.

Please note that I’m not a good muslim, I’m just trying to be…

And please note that I can make mistakes and my thoughts, ideas about islam may be not correct.

I hope I can help…

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