How did I become an atheist?

I was born in a small city in an Islamic country. Everybody was muslim, at least they had to be. There wasn’t an option to believe another religion or not to believe anything at all. There were of course other people from other religions. But my family, my friends were muslim and everybody was very sure islam was the right religion. Everybody was muslim because their parents, friends, families were muslim. Because they were born in an Islamic place. I think if they were born in another country with another religion they would believe that religion most likely. But muslims are interesting, most of them don’t know anything about other religions or atheism or agnosticism and they are still pretty sure about the islam is the correct one.

Anyway I was young, a teenager, as far as I remember 14 years old. In my country in high schools we had to take Islamic lessons, 2 hours in a week, and it is mandatory even if you are not a muslim. I think that’s a shame, people have right to choose or at least they have to include other beliefs too, or it should be like a history lesson maybe…

Because I believe you can not force people to believe or choose something, even if you do that, would they really believe that ideology? Or do they really choose it? I think the best option would be to let them find out and choose with giving necessary information in schools including atheism etc…

Today how many people do really believe their religions or ideologies?

How many French, English, German, Japan; if they were born in an Islamic country, would choose another religion?

How many arab or other people from an Islamic country, if they were born in a Christian or jewish or other country, would research and choose islam?

Anyway one day the teacher of the religion lesson told us we are lucky because we are muslim, born in this country and if we die as a muslim and if we did not commit a big sin, we will go to heaven but all the other people from other religions and atheists will go directly to the hell. !?!?!

Everything changed that day in my life. I asked lots of questions myself.

But why?

Why all the others will go to hell?

What about the good people? The good people better than us, better than me? Even the bad muslims can go to heaven after a period of time in hell just because they were luck to born in a Islamic country, place, family !?!

But they did not choose to born there and we did not choose to born here?

What if we were born there?

What about the uncivilized primitive tribes? They don’t know and they can’t know anything about islam.

Somebody asked, what about the good ones, will they go to hell as well?

The teacher answered, “yes they will because they had to research and if they do, they will find out islam is the correct one…..”.

We were young, we were only reading books not an enemy to our religion or ideology.

But I couldn’t take this out from my mind for days, weeks.

I asked these questions myself.

What if I was born in another country?, etc…

Could I find out the islam?

And why the good people go to hell? Why god showed me a favour but not the good people? I mean they are good and if they are really good they don’t deserve this. Or all the other people are bad, etc. etc…

Couple of weeks later I decided to find out islam, I had to find out like a Christian, jew. But I was a muslim, how could I do that?

So I decided to be neutral, it was the only way. But I didn’t know how to be neutral.

I fought with myself about a month and everyday, every moment I told myself islam is not the correct religion because if this because of that, etc…

I have tried to read about other religions, philosophies. I mounted arguments about islam is not the correct one.

After 1-2 months I succeeded. I did not believe islam anymore. I was sure that; there can not be a god like in islam, unfair to his servants. There can not be a god can send the good people to directly hell and bad muslims to heaven at least after a period of time. Nobody chose the location they were born. 200 years ago a Christian in Italy can not find islam? What about 1000 years ago? Now all of them are in hell? No I was sure islam philosophy can not be correct. No this was not the correct religion. etc… etc… etc… Lots of other ideas were in my mind, thousands of arguments about islam can not be the correct one.

Yes I was completely sure, islam was not the right religion.

And I wasn’t a muslim anymore and yes again I was sure.

But what about the Judaism, I knew that I can not be a jew because they were only accepting their people so it cannot be correct as well. And Christianity, 3 gods, god’s son, books chosen 400 years after Jesus from lots of books, people killing the god Jesus? So which one was correct, what if none of them or any other religions?

Then suddenly a shocking idea was in my mind. I promised myself I was going to be neutral but what if the god is completely a different god?

What if all the religions are fake or not the correct religions and god just want us to be good people?

And what if there is NO GOD?

Yes it was the shocking idea.

Nooo, don’t be ridiculous, there is of course a god.

But if there are lots of religions and maybe god want us to find the correct one.

Nooo, god must be fair for all of us and everyone in the world, in this life, should be able to find the god. But this is impossible, 200 years ago someone in Italy, in poles, in a village in Africa, China ?

So the most important thing was to believe the god, yes I found that this must be, this is it.

But I thought about a small tribe 1000 years ago in Africa, America. There was no way them to know to find the god.

So god must be expecting us to find him.

But I had to be neutral but I wasn’t because I was believing the god.

And I chuckled myself, and decided to kill the god inside me.

I remember, after 35-40 days, telling every moment to myself there is no god, there can not be a god because of this, because of that… I was finally an atheist.

Yes I was 14 years old and only couple of months later my teacher’s lesson I was an atheist.

The very interesting thing was I was chuckling myself this time with this idea; of course there is no god, how do people believe this. Oh my gosh how was I stupid. How could I believe this religion thing?

I had found out in my mind thousand arguments about god does not exist and can not exist. And I was completely sure that there is no god.

Everything was started to be fair myself and being neutral.

Years passed, I was sure, I didn’t have any doubt about the god. I was an atheist and I could not understand people believing there is a god. I read bible and of the book from old testament and couple of different beliefs.

Muslim’s god was crazy hateful, he is going to send almost everyone to hell.

Christian’s god was silly, has a son like human being, and give me your other face, do whatever you want to me kind of god and has a son.

Judaism’s god was racist, I don’t have chance to be a jew.

And one of them should be true, god cannot expect us to find the other not very known religion.

So none of them are the one so there can not be a god.

Because god should be very clever and fair and should know us better than us, etc…

20 years passed and I became a muslim which is the religion I did not like the most, which is the religion I was thinking I can be anything except muslim, I will write this about in my next article hopefully. I will try write how and why I chose islam after living 20 years as an atheist.


This entry was posted in Why and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to How did I become an atheist?

  1. truthspew says:

    Like you I walked away from Catholicism and Christianity. My primary and secondary education was in Catholic schools right during the time when the reforms of Vatican II came about. So they taught us critical thinking skills and then had the tenacity to tell us we couldn’t apply it to the faith. Ha! Never looked back, in fact stepped back from it and looked at it and realized what it was.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s